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Okay, I need help from all of you. This semester, I'm taking a writing workshop for fiction. I have decided to concentrate on the story of Sarki Kinan. The Prologue, Chapter 1, and chapter 2 went up for critique last week. I heard a lot of VERY helpful comments, and I finished my rewrites on the prologue about ten minutes ago. I want MORE helpful comments, please.
Mainly, I want to know if version 2 (the "after" version) is an improvement. Please don't critique version number 1, as it is just there to contrast. However, if there is something you liked in version 1 that didn't make it to version 2... lemme know. If there is something in version 2 from version 1 that shouldn't have made it, lemme know. Just... help.
If you haven't read this, be brutally honest. Rebekah and Laura, both of you have seen the original of the prologue, but I included it in here anyway. My main question for Laura is whether the changes improved the text. My main question for Rebekah is whether you think I've addressed the things that were brought up in class.
Help?
Mainly, I want to know if version 2 (the "after" version) is an improvement. Please don't critique version number 1, as it is just there to contrast. However, if there is something you liked in version 1 that didn't make it to version 2... lemme know. If there is something in version 2 from version 1 that shouldn't have made it, lemme know. Just... help.
If you haven't read this, be brutally honest. Rebekah and Laura, both of you have seen the original of the prologue, but I included it in here anyway. My main question for Laura is whether the changes improved the text. My main question for Rebekah is whether you think I've addressed the things that were brought up in class.
Help?
--Jay
( BEFORE AND AFTER )
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